. . . probably the last words you would want to hear, no matter how well intentioned, after just having lost a close friend or loved one.

Grief is a very personal and private thing, as anyone who has experienced it knows. And, the truth is, well-wishers know this too! But, because they care about you and truly want to help, they do their best to be there for you in your hour of need. The problem is it’s hard to know just what is best in these types of situations.

We, as humans, feel compelled to talk, to say something. Words, after all, are our primary form of communication. And, it’s hard for us to see a friend or loved one sad and hurting! Our natural instinct is to try to cheer them up. However, immediately following the loss of a loved one is not the best or most appropriate time to do this.

Grieving is a normal, healthy and necessary part of the loss process and people suffering loss need to be allowed this process in order to begin healing and to move on in a palliative, restorative manner.

So, when you find yourself in a time of grieving, and someone says something to you like, “This too shall pass”… take a deep breath, close your eyes and try to look past their words, into their heart, and remember that they genuinely are trying to help.

From the other side . . . the next time you are in the position of “well-wisher”, try just hugging your mournful loved one or simply sit with them and hold their hand. Actions really do speak louder than words.

For more tools and resources on grief, visit: Grief & Loss